My cat gives me a boner
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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