neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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