I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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