her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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