Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
