My first STD was from a foam party
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
