Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
