i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
