We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
