that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
