Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.