Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Better not shit yourself at the gym.