My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.