He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?