Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.