I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
