I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
