So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
