Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
