It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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