3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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