the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
