I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
