ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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