I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
