I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
