I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
