I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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