he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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