Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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