Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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