So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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