I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
