it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
