see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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