I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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