So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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