Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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