Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm too high and old for this...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
