Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
