you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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