Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
