Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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