I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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