remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
