Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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