Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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