I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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