So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
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I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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