guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize