2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
