its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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