When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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