She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
