forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
pray to the hookup gods
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
