the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
