well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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