dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
