I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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