you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no, he came in my armpit
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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