the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
